Need someone to read my script.

[Whole Milk Productions]

I hate to sound elitist, but preferably someone from early 08/09. I need to trust that person.

Basically, I just need a fresh eyes on this script, someone to tell me things they don't like/like/point out errors/etc.

It's about 20 pages long I believe. Post here if you want to help me out.

[Alasdair]

I want to read a script

[Whole Milk Productions]

PM box full.

[Neoproks]

I'd read it.

[Whole Milk Productions]

PM'd you the script.

[Alasdair]

PM box full.

try now

[Whole Milk Productions]

PM'd

[DOA Productions]

i'll read it, throw it my way

[Whole Milk Productions]

PM'd you the details

[speekerphone]

Me too!

[Whole Milk Productions]

I'm leaving it at 3 people for now, any revisions I make will go out to a new 3 people.

[Neoproks]

Okay I read the script and I have a few points that I'd like to address.
First, I liked the story and the idea, it was original (or at least as original as people can be). Something I noticed though, is that dialouge is sometimes awkward between characters, but not throughout the whole script. I was wondering how old John is while reading this because kids with guns are never good, although you did explain why he had it and how pretty well. The script was funny and its obvious you weren't going for seriousness, but how does a kid take out two drug dealers? So, overall I think it was good.

[Whole Milk Productions]

Okay I read the script and I have a few points that I'd like to address.
First, I liked the story and the idea, it was original (or at least as original as people can be). Something I noticed though, is that dialouge is sometimes awkward between characters, but not throughout the whole script. I was wondering how old John is while reading this because kids with guns are never good, although you did explain why he had it and how pretty well. The script was funny and its obvious you weren't going for seriousness, but how does a kid take out two drug dealers? So, overall I think it was good.


1. The dialog gets changed around nearly every night. Fixing the awkwardness of it is my biggest goal as of right now.

2. Unfortunately John is 15. Nothing grinds my gears more than kids with guns, but I think that this is kind of justified as it's a lot different than the usual "OMG ASSASSIN IS A BADASS" movies here at IndyMogul.

3. The whole movie is the opposite of serious and realistic. So why John would charge unarmed at 2 armed drug dealers isn't supposed to make much sense.

Thanks for the input.

[Cris Cole]

Email or PM it to me, I'll gladly take a look at it.

ezekielspuppets@yahoo.com

[FarleyRoadFilms]

ill read it